No way in hell she could ever think I would do anything to disrupt the multitude of longing and happiness I feel at the sound of her voice. I am selfish; all I want is her. Yeah, I have a past, and yeah maybe my past behaviour warrants the doubt but I will be fucked if I ever put what I have at risk for something so useless and worthwhile; for someone that has caused me nothing but misery and pain.
Everytime I move I am reminded of everything that girl done to me; all of the drama she caused in my life. I want nothing to do with her, I seriously don't think I could even look at her and control the surge of temper that would course through my body.
My head is a fucking mess right now and there is nothing I can do about it other than just wait and see what happens. Anticipation of disaster is worse than the actual event. I hate not knowing if I am going to be able to walk, if this time next week I will have a 'home' or if I will spend the next week of my life hiding from the shit that the past 4 months have thrown at me. I have no fight left in me and yet I know that I will be in at least one at some point this week. I will have something thrown at me that I won't like and I will be forced to either shut the fuck up and take it or I will have to lose all of my control and needs and just roll out the punches.
Meh, anyway I am just whining.
Shouldn't have clicked it.
Just have to wait and see what happens next I guess. Life story lol.
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