Yes, Jack betrayed me in ways I never expected or could have ever dreamt of. I don't think I'll ever get over it, but really, I didn't get this far without shit happening, right? I am the person no one wanted coming to talk to them. I am the person that you heard whispers about; rumours about what I was capable of. My reputation alone could scare a lot of people into doing what I wanted when I wanted.
I am unstoppable and made of fucking steel.
I just... don't feel like it.
I have taken down the tank that is Paula and right now, I feel as though I could be blown over with a breath.
I want to feel strong. I want to be what is expected of me, yet all I do is end up looking like a complete Dick. I push the ones that I rely on right now away. I know I am doing it; self protection, right? IT'S MAKING ME FUCKING MISERABLE. Whatever else is happening, I am doing my own head in. How fucking irritating can one person get?
So.. considering this new revelation.. I am making a resolution to just be happier. I've done it before, I can do it again. She will help me I am sure. As will the reintroduction of regular writing and work. (That has to be the ultimate in dorkiness, getting excited at the prospect of some school work). I reckon the GAA championships will help a lot too. Some poor unsuspecting country girl will be on the receiving end of my wrath.
I really have no idea what my point was with this post. More random ramblings than anything.
I should really leave it there before I end up posting bank details and NI information for the craic.
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