What do you want from me?

The bitter cold biting at the back of my neck only ever acts as a reminder to everything I have lost. I am struggling, I have no issues with admitting that right now, yet, it always seems like it's something more. Regardless of how many times I replay the last conversations we had, I still haven't quite grasped what went wrong, or why you changed so drastically. It isn't fair that we've had to be this way for the past few months when in reality, we're gong through the exact same stuff. We both lost her, and yet, still, even now, you blame me. I am still your enemy for some reason. You still take out your frustrations on me when all along I was the only one that had your back.

I don't understand why you need that shit to keep you going. I never will I guess, I just wish I was enough of a presence for you that you wouldn't need it. You're ruining everything you have ever achieved with every fucking hit and I am not going to be the one to stop you this time. I can't keep being the enemy that you long for when you're on a come down. I can't keep being the one you blame when you're withdrawing. It takes it's toll on me and to be honest, I don't think I have it in me this time.

It kills me to know I no longer have my best friend watching my back. It kills me knowing he hates me enough that he would be willing to hurt me in any sort of physical manner. Yet again, it's not just that. The fact that you have less respect for everything I have done for you, everything I gave up for you, so that you can score one more time, is enough to throw me over the edge.

I miss her. More than anyone will ever realise, yet I am not throwing every other relationship I have away this time. If all I ever was to you is another nobody to hate the world and everyone in it, I don't want to know you any more. You told me you loved me, where the fuck has that gone?

I am not willing to go back to how I was just so you won't be mad at me. I refuse to go down the same road as you do to deal with all of this. It's not fair that you keep dong this to me and I am supposed to just wait for it all to end. "Oh, he'll be there for me again soon." That shit just won't cut it this time. You done the one thing I will never forgive you for. You took every promise you made to me and fucked it away like I didn't mean a thing to you. That's love, Jack? You are seriously deluded.

The most heartbreaking part is, if you said tomorrow you were sorry and you needed help. Who would it be getting you healthy? You're seriously wrong if you believe it would be her. I'm always going to be here, even if you can't afford me the same favour. I love you. I miss you like crazy and I really wish I could call you right now, but, I will never forgive you.

"What do you want from me?"

I want you to cut the bullshit and be the friend I need right now. I want you to be the person I always thought you were and sort your shit out. I want to be able to see you, just call you even, and not have to fear for my safety. I want to be able to trust you like I used to and know, that above all else, I had at least one person to count on. I just want the old Jack back.

Superman never saved anyone with a syringe full of heroin.