Secrets

Some things are best left unsaid; holding your tongue at the right moment in order to save yourself from a fight, keeping secrets you know should stay that way, holding on to memories that belong to just you, keeping an air of mystery. Every reason fits for something I have within my mind. Excuses pile up and suddenly the silence is the thing that dominates. Words left hanging on hooks of sheer breath; balancing dangerously from the tip of your tongue, in order to keep the air untainted.

I keep secrets in order to leave what has past where it belongs. I destroy the urge to spill what is left of their decaying bodies and smile inwardly at my digression. No simple answers will ever be a true compensation to their meaning in shaping who I have become, and not a single second of what I experienced has gone unnoticed by my growth. I am everything I have lived through encompassed into a single representation of lessons learned.

I keep secrets in order to hold sacred the brief moments of rarity. Moments I will never see again with the people that had the most influence over my thoughts. Every precious memory filed and labeled for my own visitation; yet still I am unable to deny them. When asked I delight in some detail; my pride and undoubted contentment within these moments being shared with whomever asked. I become too enthralled in reliving the minutes to care about hiding them; a total trust being created.

I keep secrets because some things are supposed to be discovered. Desires, future plans and opinions all need to be worked out. Your silence being an incentive for people to try to understand you. Your every move and word being scrutinised for a deeper connection and comprehension. Nothing is for certain yet, details can be retained to allow a deeper interest. Human nature is to want what we can't have. We delve into forbidden treats to keep a fresh outlook; to find an impossible originality in our day to day lives.

I keep my thoughts to myself in certain situations in order to avoid the creation of new secrets. No longer do I need to keep myself entertained with the pettiness of others, it bores me. I feign interest in new drama and keep words captive behind sealed lips so as not to encourage its development. I know when enough is enough for the first time in my life and I exercise it whenever possible.

Secrets are a necessary part of life. Coaxing too much can cause heartache and disappointment yet leaving too much hidden is dull and lifeless.A thin strand of acceptability stands alone between two extremities of life; shielding one from the other like a referee in a death match. Divulging is a luxury I can't afford, yet simple dabbles at the fabric of my psyche are essential for my sanity and the satisfaction of others need of details.