No.

I always know when I have slipped into a depression when I can't listen into any music without feeling like every single lyric is beating me. It's like I can feel every emotion every person in the whole world has ever felt all at once - without being overly melodramatic.

I've said it before and I will continue saying it - I don't talk. I can't talk. To talk, is to own up to the fact that I am emotional fucking handicapped and am incapable of dealing with basic feelings. To talk is to pretend that I am able to be a grown up person and deal with things in a mature way.

No.

I sit, I stew and I fucking ponder, until I am sick to death of churning the bullshit around that I simply shake my head and move my thoughts somewhere else while the negativity claws and screams and leaves me drained. Work. Home. Work. Home. Churning and churning. Non.fucking.stop.

I can't help but slip into the usual patterns of behaviour. I can't help but feel sorry for myself when I well up at nonsensical and inconsequential songs. I can't help but miss times when I felt whole - like I wasn't a broken child, desperate for simple touches or reassurances.

Self pity doesn't always work, but when you have been denying it, it almost feels like a relief to admit to it. I need to keep myself in check before I fall into old habits and completely fall to pieces.