Russian Roulette

Sweat drips,

Hearts beat

Decisions falter

And the weakening vigour of my ego drops.

“Won’t be me”

Assurances that can’t be felt

There are six barrels and one bullet.

Beatings rain down

Wrong move

Crack.

Wasn’t me.

Tears sting

Pulse drops

Thoughts suffer

And the relief of my suffering ego sighs

“Can’t be me”

A denying urge not quite believed

There are five barrels and one bullet

Bruises kiss my skin

Blood pours

Crack

Wasn’t me.

Scars shine

Beats get thicker

Faith erupts

And the disruption of my ego remains

“Won’t be me”

Positivity that can’t quite be sustained

There are four barrels and one bullet.

Skin slices

Ripping painfully

Crack

Wasn’t me.

Fingers grip

Breaths quicken

Images flash

And the suffering of my ego is evident

“Can’t be me”

Hoping against blind reason

There are three barrels and one bullet

Wounds swell

Painful tenderness

Crack

Wasn’t me.

Sobs control

Empty heart

Nightmares screech

And the remnants of my ego search for a home

“It might be me”

An understanding of inevitability

There are two barrels and one bullet

Bones snap

Muscles destroyed

Crack.

It’s always me.