Almost...

My fingers spread

[Intrepid in their confidence]

each digit contentedly making room

for a hand that's only almost there.

The unfilled spaces shooting daggers

Aimed straight at my chest.

Silky calves glide across soft cotton sheets

[seductively wanting your touch]

Knees bending upwards seeking comfort

from a body that's only almost there.

Cold shivers erupting a loneliness

Gripping blankets for warmth.

Conversations orbit my mind

[enthralling and familiar]

The ebb and flow of sarcasm

from a voice only almost there.

Dream-like perfection stinging

In the reality of a hallucination.

Goosebumps emerge on bare skin

[Milk white and needy]

A shudder in anticipation

For fingertips that are only almost there

Frustration building- controlling

A building ache for attention.

Eyes dart across every crowd

[Excitedly hoping that maybe...]

searching for a face;

A person that's only almost there.

Disappointment squeezing my insides

until I remind myself to smile.

F a l l i n g

into dreams where

skin touches

whispers tickle

and

kisses never end

fingers drape

touches linger

and

eyes meet.

W a k i n g

to find

I have it all -

almost.

[so close to perfect]

Getting lost in sheets

Waiting for an almost eventuality.

Indulging in a single fantasy

[Hoping against inevitability]

Tomorrow

when I open my eyes to see you

You won't only be almost here.

These days...

Sometimes it is as if, no matter what I have going on, something bigger is on it's way. I live such an unpredictable life, that it is no wonder that I am going crazy right now. My life went from being on the right path, to not being on any sort of path at all. It seems as though all I do these days is work and wait. I am waiting for something to happen, constantly. I am waiting for medical tests, scared to death of the answer and I'm waiting for Diego to call me and let me know what the hell is going on. I try my hardest to keep everyone happy. I try to be the daughter my mother wants. I try to be a good friend, a good worker, a good sister, a good girlfriend. I try so hard, that as soon as I let anything slip even slightly, I become tormented with guilt.

I'm running into friends I went to school with who have started their chosen careers. Teachers, Scientists and Accountants. Here I am, with two failed courses and back living at home. It's depressing to feel like such a failure every day of your life. It's difficult knowing you had the world at your fingertips and yet still have nothing to show for it.

I'm at the stage where I want to pack up and leave.

Leave the world behind.