Homicidal

So I have had to move back home. Thrown back to the wolves as it were. I am a little lost and can feel all of the negative emotions building. I well up and spill over at the slightest thing. It's kind of crazy. I'm trying my hardest to keep everyone happy but, it just doesn't seem like I can anymore. I don't have the power to make everyone happy, I just seem to fuck things up more and more. I am back drinking way too much; It's only making things worse. I know all of this and yet I keep doing it because seriously, what else am I going to do?!

The mood swings are getting worse, but I can deal with that. I need a job and I need something to study and I will be golden. The fucking economy in this country is diabolical though so I guess we'll see what happens. It doesn't really matter what I do though at this stage, I am never going to make my mother happy. She doesn't know how to be there for me. Her other children, yeah no problem, me - not so much. She just throws every single flaw I possess at me until I just want to curl up and die. I forgot how difficult it is to live with her. One more thing to overcome.

Ugh. I need my own place or I will end up turning bat shit crazy and taking out every single person in this house. CSI murders stylee.